Monstruos
I’ve had the Monstruos for so long that their best before date has long past.
Why, you might ask, did I not rip into them straight away? Why have I kept them for three years, still in their packet?
Good question. Well, looking through the clear part of the packet, around the supernova of a monster’s iris, I glimpse the Monstruos inside. They are truly monstruos! They are the most awful purples, blues and green imaginable, they remind me of the mucky colours that you might mix together on the palate by accident, a mistake with watercolours. The pink/red ones remind me of little lumps of flesh, the sockets where a tooth used to be.
This is obviously the intention, "the lollies of dread" I believe the message in between the exclamation marks reads.
So now I’m going to open them, live to Microsoft Word.
The odour is vile! Like a dumpster full of plastic offcuts doused in lime juice.
I hardly want to touch one, I’m tempted to get some tongs from the kitchen, but even though no-one’s going to see me, I still feel that it is too weird to bring tongs into this.
Okay. They’re cold and clammy, but they’re not as scary as I expected. There’s a pumpkin, a skull, vampire teeth, a spider and a horrid blue ghost face. The ghost face is pretty nightmarish but the rest are as scary as a 4 year old boy in a K-mart Halloween costume, knocking on your door because he’s lost.
Ah Monstruos, this is the third house you’ve moved to with me. And now it’s the bin for you. Sorry. If it’s any consolation I relegated a number of other old friends to landfill this evening. I feel guilty about it, but I fear consumption of you may prove the consumption of me by some kind of parasite that builds up in outdated gelatine.