Bradley Goldstein
Of the hundreds of pictures I had blu-tacked on my walls, one would attract more attention than any other. I was surprised that "11-Year-Old Bradley Goldstein’s 5 Favourite Ages He’s Already Been" was the most popular, because, although I found it sufficiently odd and amusing to warrant display, I had not put it up thinking anyone would notice it in particular.
It was affixed to a door, along with my "don’t forget the condoms" shopping list, a picture of Mark E. Smith looking ratty and displeased and the ground plan of the Lucas Heights Nuclear Facility, amongst other things. People would stop, captivated by Bradley’s freakish smile and large black eyes, and laugh as they read through his five favourite ages.
Since Bradley was attracting so much attention, I devoted more time to thinking about him. I wondered what book he would have been in that would have had at least 497 pages. I assumed it was a book of lists, the type with the highest grossing films of 1977, the ten fruits with the highest percentage of mould per average serving, and the strangest place names in the USA.
Part of me doubts that Bradley Goldstein ever existed. Was he just a photo of one of the Book of Lists publishing staff as a child, included as a joke?
One cannot help but notice Bradley’s list is definitely swayed towards his younger years. I wonder if he included age one in the list because he had little to no memories of the time (I have a memory mother assures me occurred when I was one and a half, but I think she might have her dates muddled, no one else I know remembers being one).
Reading Bradley’s list, I tried to think up my own:
26-Year-Old Vanessa Berry’s 5 Favourite Ages She’s Already Been
Miss Berry attends school in Sydney, Australia.
1. 8
2. The first half of being 19
3. 24
4. 6
5. 21
I think you’ll agree, it is quite difficult.